Peaking Out The Window

While growing up as teenager in high school, I greatly anticipated the day that I would go off the college and mainly get out of my parents house. It was probably not a day that went by that I didn't throw that in their face about wanting to leave away from home. So as the time approached I slowly began to pack my things up because when the day arrived for me to leave, I didn't need any hesitations or obstacles to get in my way. Finally the day arrived and we left and drove to Dallas. When I got to my dorm, I still had the feeling of excitement. As I unpacked the car, the feeling remain the same. After everything was unpacked we decided to go to Wal-Mart and then grab something to eat...all of a sudden...this grand feeling of excitement and anxiousness turned into an uncontrollable feeling of uneasiness and somewhat being overwhelmed. But of course, I wasn't going to show this to my parents....look at all the noise I had talked in the past about moving out...I had to keep smiling...So I got up and went to the restroom at the restaurant and allowed some of these new emotions to be let out.....hmmmm...
We we back to my dorm and my parents were about to leave. Of course my daddy, kept questioning if I needed anything (this was a simple mask covering up his real emotion)....and of course I was fine. My dorm had a window and ironically my parents car was in it's direct view...as they drove off and began the journey of leaving the little girl behind, I just stood their, peaking out the window....the excitement of leaving was left back at home...now I stood looking out this window with the uncertainty of what life had for me.

That was 6 years ago...

Today...

I see the things that I WANT and I began making the preparations to get them. Analyzing and weighing the different options of each proposed decision. I realize that going after what I WANT will require sacrifices that I have to take. And in taking these sacrifices, I have to come to grip with others not understanding the direction that I am taking because at the end of day, it all comes down to me and what I WANT.




The things that I NEED are very clear, but in the same breath they conflict with my WANTS. Because while obtaining the things that I NEED, I seem to be losing some of my WANTS but then it all comes back to is this...is this what I really NEED?


So now I am...



Confused....trying to decipher between the two has become a harder task that I first imagine. I thought that I knew the difference between the two, but now they have become like two giants and I'm just standing in the middle looking up.




Frustrated....not knowing which way to turn is starting to take it's toll. I want to make the right decision and have everything that I WANT and NEED, but it just seems like at this point I'm being forced to chose. And when both sides look good which way do you turn...




Scared....if I chose my NEED over my WANT or vice versa, there's a 50/50 chance that I could make the wrong decision and which leads to my biggest fear of failure. Or not even failure, but the possibility of taking one side and still longing for the other.


Now...

What am I to do.....

I don't know how and I don't know when, but some kinda way I've found myself back peaking out this window.....

Hindsight

A lot of times we make decisions in our lives based off of impulses and later face the consequences. I've been accused before of over analyzing things, but some times I feel that's what actually balances me out. I know that each decision that I make is not something that I just thought of and now acting on it. But I'm learning everything that glitters definitely isn't gold. We often look at some one else "green grass" and automatically wish that we could have and some of us will even go out and get the grass...but what we don't realize is though some one's grass seems greener, they might have put in a lot of work to get it that way. Hmmm...just something to ponder.


I guess this all comes down to hindsight....

Hindsight...yea..I know it's pointless to look back at say oh I would have did this or I would have said that, still...hindsight...just look at your past relationships..how many of them would actually change some things...yea probably all! You would probably have a few that you wouldn't dare enter again or some that you would changed what you said or even what you did. It all comes back to that ONE DECISION....to say or not to say...to do or not to do! The right decision could have saved you from a lot of sleepless lonely nights...the right decision could have prevented an argument which led to the breakup which was followed by a broken heart. I could use this example for jobs, income and any other thing in life. ONE DECISION can make a total difference. If dead people could talk, do you realize how many of them could have changed that ONE DECISION that was made that caused eternal rest? Or how many felons locked behind bars, just wishing they would have gotten out the car or never left the house? Yea the list goes on....Now the twist to that is hindsight isn't always BAD. So don't get me wrong...I can look back at some decisions I did make and I'm absolutely happy with them and their results.


So it's just easily said like this...don't make a decision based on the right now...think down the road...days, weeks, months, and years from now...will you in one those instances look back and wished that you would have never did what you did...I know its easier said than done because we are a microwave generation...just try it...and maybe, just maybe your hindsight won't be that bad!